What I Missed Early in My Career
I’m fundamentally an introvert. Socializing often raises my anxiety, and when I meet a lot of strangers in a short period of time, it can feel like my energy drains fast.
For years, especially as a teenager, I stayed within my comfort zone. I kept my circle small, avoided socially demanding situations, and defaulted to what felt safe: studying.
And I was rewarded for it. I was accepted to university as a top-ranked master’s student. I was proud, and that success quietly reinforced a false belief: that career progress is mostly about collecting information and getting good at things on my own.
With a bit more distance, I see it differently today. Career development mainly depends on two things: knowledge and people.
In Never Eat Alone, Keith Ferrazzi highlights how much relationships shape success for individuals and businesses. We’re wired for connection, and the ability to build and sustain a network isn’t “extra”; it’s part of how opportunities, learning, and momentum actually move.
In the book, Ferrazzi starts with the idea that success begins with self-reflection, asking basic questions like: what are your passions, and what skills do you already have?
Then we transform from a self-focused reflection state into an others-focused one: how to influence by being genuinely interested in people and more curious about them. That curiosity translates into building relationships.
Malcolm Gladwell, in his book Outliers: The Story of Success, argues that the concept of the “self-made” person is a myth, and that success hugely relies on luck and environment. This might seem deterministic at first; however, I’d argue that by creating your own network of people and acquiring the necessary skills, you can improve your chance of success. After all, your network creates a micro-environment and can provide more opportunities.
I found Ferrazzi’s roadmap for building a network very practical and useful. He proposes a simple way to move toward your professional (and personal) goals:
Step 1- Self-reflection: Everything Starts with You
Even before creating your network, Ferrazzi suggests starting with self-reflection. Where is your passion? What are you good at? The importance of self-awareness in career development is also highlighted in another book I read recently, The Squiggly Career by Helen Tupper and Sarah Ellis. The authors emphasize: in your career, find where you shine and focus more on areas you’re already good at. They even introduced an 80/20 rule: spend 80% of your time on strengths and the remaining 20% on improving weak points.
That intersection of your talents and passion, Ferrazzi called your “blue flame”. Find your blue flame. Where you shine.
Step 2- Where do you want to go?
The second step addresses higher-level questions about your mission and your goal(s). What do you want to achieve in life? Do you want to climb the ladder in your current organization, or somewhere else? Where do you want to be, let’s say, in five years? At this stage, try to identify your goals as vividly as possible.
Step 3- Create your network
Here is the most challenging part for many folks, including myself. When you come out of the reflection cave, enlightened with deeper self-awareness, it’s time to reach out to people who can help you reach your goals. Here are a few tips:
- You need help! I need help! Everyone needs help! I think we, as a society, need to normalize this phrase and use it more often in our personal and professional lives. To be successful in what we do, we need to give and receive help. Be generous and also do not hesitate to ask for help.
- There isn’t a perfect time for reaching out. Do it now! If you are waiting for a time when everything is in perfect condition to reach out to people, you might need to wait forever.
- Be genuine! Be genuinely interested in other people! You cannot fake it. People can sense fake interest from a mile away.
- Practice vulnerability! In her book, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, Brené Brown argues that vulnerability and shame resilience are fundamental to building lasting relationships. Do not confuse vulnerability with weakness.
None of this is easy (at least not for me). But I’ve learned that you don’t need to become an extrovert to build a real network, you just need to be intentional, consistent, and genuine. Start small, keep showing up, and let the relationships compound over time.
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